The 2011 Angry Enchiladas:
Danny Thompson, aka "White Lightning" - Nicknamed years ago for his above average speed and nifty laser-surgery-white tennis shoes, Danny is a founding father of the mad Mexican-food men. He also has assumed totalitarian control over the lineup and is characterized by his long locks, affinity for overselling his washers prowess, working 10 hours per month, and "creative" language.
Eric Cervantes is the other founding father of the furious flauta franchise. Yes, that's a lot of Fs. Eric is the token Mexican of the team, and loves to do the "El Guapo" dance. He likes to do things like drink whiskey, host crawfish boils, train for triathlons, study, and do everything except play on his softball team.
Lonnie "Wonnie" Cross IS the human highlight reel. Sorry, Nique, but you aren't able to produce the kind of comedy and excitement that Wonnie brings week in and week out on the diamond. If he's at the plate, then there is a good chance that he'll swing and miss or yell at the umpire in frustration. Assuming that he gets on base, then a full blown circus breaks out...over-running bases, rundowns, stops and starts and "slides" are all part of the comedy that this 6'4" 275lb white lightning brings to the table. And yes, before we get any further, he did beat yours truly in a foot race. Further indeed, Wonnie wuvs weenies.
Chad Gilpin is back after a several year hiatus. He's now married, has a child and is expecting twins any day. This must be why, despite being able to actually field a grounder and providing us with monster bombs, Chad Gilpin sucks at softball. Too bad...because we could really use a good player.
Jason Hans is the quiet assassin of the group. Never really says anything on the field, but he just plays solid out there...ice cold...no mistakes. At the end of the night, you look down and he has 2-3 hits, some RBI and some beer in his cooler for afterwards. Jason is back after being afflicted with the shoulder disease that has been plaguing this franchise since it changed names a few seasons back.
Brian MAAAAAAAAC-new has been on the team since Day 1. He is the Cal Ripken of catchers...playing through injury...always showing up, and always having a smile on his face despite having to deal with laser beam throws from our LCF. He also wears out the patch of grass between the shortstop, LCF and LF...is there a nickname for that?
Phillip Moltz is back after sustaining an injury...a hernia I believe. Nicknamed "Casanova," we all know how that was caused. Casanova likes to run underground poker games, own dogs that are bigger than horses, and compete against Magnus ver Magnusson in the World's Strongest Man competition.
Clint Doege is one half of the La Vernia connection that bring country to the meat-filled toilet trip tubes. He also brings a jolly disposition, a mean washers game, and beer. One of the youngest guys on the team, Clint compensates for his youth by being just as out of breath as the rest of us after a 60 foot run down the baseline.
Stephen Aniol IS the youngest guy on the team, and is also country, but it's rare that you groupies will get his autograph. He has errands to run, grass to cut, dirt to haul, a runny nose, or just no desire to drive the 115 miles to play some nights. A converted catcher, Aniol will get in front of hot shots and show off his arm in the infield. In the outfield is a slightly different story.
We don't know much about Casey Rolen. We do know that we acquired him from the Reds to shore up the left side of our infield. We also appreciate that he puts butts in the stands...AE Sports is in dire need of fan support.
Jeremy Doege is the older of the two Doeges. With no Russell Doege around to be his kryptonite, Doege is poised for a breakout year after ending last year's on a bumbling stumbling rumbling play in RCF. Using his lithe frame, he is able to cover inches upon inches of ground in LF and take extra bases in a single bound. He throws are accurate from the OF, but from inside 90 feet, he is an Ankiel/Knoblauch hybrid.
When Jim Rome talks about Angry Softball Guy, he is talking about Jason and Adam. Cerrano's bats are afraid of curveballs. AE Sports' bats are afraid when this guy makes an out. So are dugout poles, gloves, and any other tangible object that can be used to hit Mr. Adam's head. He will lead softball in OF assists, Jet Terry imitations, dirt angels, and Wonnie beratings. Winning.
Last and Least, your blog host. I am the Japsican. If the opposition would put 9 fielders to the right side of 2B, I may go 0 for the season. My slugging percentage will be eerily close to my batting average. I'm short...but watch out because I'm slow too. I've also delegated managerial duties, so really, I have to keep up with this ridiculous blog and the stats so that I have worth to this thing. I'm like your HS baseball stat girl, but not nearly as young, hot nor even female. Bummer.
So here we are...the furious fart-making flautas who take the field for 10 Wednesdays this spring trying to come home with a most treasured T-shirt and no injuries. Join us.
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